How to Support Children Through Grief

Navigating any kind of loss can be difficult. Supporting a child through the loss of a loved one, especially when you’re grieving, too, is even harder.

One of the toughest conversations a caregiver can have with a child is about how to handle grief after a death. You might feel tongue-tied or think that the words you’re using aren’t helpful, and mistakes may happen. But your presence, along with creating a safe and supportive space while maintaining routines when possible, matters most. This helps children feel comfortable speaking openly and honestly and reminds them they are not alone in their grief.

Tips for Tough Conversations

1. Be intentional about finding a time to connect with your child when a conversation can be casual and not rushed, like in the car or at the dinner table.
2. Remember that children look to adults for stability. Your body language, tone and rate of speech (keep it slower than normal) should reflect a sense of calmness and safety.
   • “Even though this is really difficult, there are people who care about you and who can help.”
   • “I am here for you now and in the days ahead. Who else feels safe to talk to when you’re sad, mad, scared or confused?”
3. Use language that is age-appropriate and honest. It’s okay to be straightforward when acknowledging a death. If you don’t have all the answers, it’s fine to tell your child that. Make sure to reinforce that all feelings are valid.
   • “It's okay to feel upset/confused about what happened.”
   • “I don’t know all the details. What matters to me most is that we take care of each other.”
   • “We may never know why they died, and that can be really hard. That doesn’t change how important they were to us.”
4. Leave space for your child’s questions and let them help guide the conversation. This teaches children that families experience grief together. Help them understand that while we each process and express grief in different ways, we can still support one another. Over time, sharing this experience can build closeness and resilience within the family.
   • “It’s normal to have questions and strong feelings after something like this.”
5. Set boundaries around rumors and speculation.
   • “I know you’re curious, but sharing rumors can hurt people, and may not be true. Let’s focus instead on what we’re feeling and thinking about.”
6. Help come up with specific action steps, to give your child a way to manage their strong emotions.
   • “Let’s think about what could help you feel a little better in this moment.”
   • “Do you want to draw, write, or share a good memory together?”
   • “What is something you like to do when you’re feeling sad or upset?”

When to Consider Further Help

 Even when grief looks “normal,” children can still benefit from added support such as counseling, school check‑ins, peer groups, faith‑based support, or community resources.

If your child’s grief persists without improvement for weeks or months, additional help should be considered. Other warning signs include:

• Expressions of hopelessness, suicidal thoughts or self-harm behaviors.
• Withdrawing from friends and family (or unexpected relationship issues), academic decline, or big changes in eating and sleep habits.
• Displaying intense guilt or prolonged blame.

Extra attention should be paid to children who have experienced a prior death in the family, have been impacted by suicide, have mental health challenges or were particularly close to the person who died.

For age-tailored guidance on how to talk to children about death, read our companion post.