Safe Adults at School: Helping Your Child Identify Who They Can Go to For Help

Back-to-school season brings new teachers, classmates, activities, and routines. As caregivers prepare children for the year ahead, conversations often focus on school supplies, schedules, and academics, but it is also a good time to talk about safety.

One way to prepare your child is to help them identify trusted adults at school. Knowing who they can turn to for support can help children feel more confident asking for help. These conversations can also help children understand personal boundaries and recognize behavior from peers or adults that may not be safe.

Help Your Child Identify Trusted Adults

A trusted adult is someone a child feels safe talking to when they have a problem, feel uncomfortable or need help. At school, this could be a teacher, counselor, nurse, coach, principal or another staff member.

At the start of the school year, ask your child to name a few adults they would feel comfortable going to for help. You can ask questions like:

• “Who could you talk to if you felt scared or uncomfortable at school?”
• “Who would you go to if another student was bothering you?”
• “Who could help you if your teacher wasn’t available?”

Encourage your child to identify more than one trusted adult, including at least one person outside of their family. Their first choice may not always be available. If they tell someone about a problem and do not get the help they need, encourage them to keep telling trusted adults until someone listens and helps.

Remind your child that they can always come to you, too. When children know they can talk openly without fear of getting in trouble, they may feel more comfortable sharing concerns.

Talk About Boundaries and Unsafe Behavior

Children should know they have the right to feel safe and set boundaries with both peers and adults. A boundary is a limit that helps a person feel safe and comfortable. This can include boundaries around personal space, touching, conversations, and how others treat them.

Unsafe behavior may include bullying, threats, unwanted touching or kissing, inappropriate comments, or pressure to do something that makes them uncomfortable. It can also include someone asking a child to keep a secret about touching or another behavior that worries or confuses them.

Children should also understand that adults are responsible for respecting their boundaries. An adult should not pressure a child to keep a secret, make them uncomfortable with touching or comments, or ask them to do something that feels wrong.

Make sure your child knows when it is important to speak up. They can tell a trusted adult any time someone behaves in an unsafe way or even if something does not feel right. Remind them that they do not have to be sure if something is wrong before asking for help.

Teach Children What to Do

• Talk through possible situations to help children know what to do before they face a difficult moment. Ask, “What would you do if someone at school made you feel uncomfortable?”
• Encourage children to pay attention to behavior that makes them feel uncertain. Remind them that it is okay to trust their feelings when something seems wrong.
• Offer options to handle the situation.

They can say “no,” move away if they are able and tell a trusted adult as soon as possible. They do not have to handle an unsafe situation alone.

If your child comes to you with a concern, listen calmly and take what they say seriously. Let them know they did the right thing by telling you. Children should understand that they are not responsible for a person’s unsafe actions.

Keep the Conversation Going

Talking about trusted adults, boundaries and personal safety should happen regularly. Check in throughout the school year as teachers, coaches, activities, and friendships change.

For younger children, ask which adults they feel comfortable talking to at school. For older children and teens, conversations can also include friendships, dating relationships, consent and how to help a friend who may be in an unsafe situation. To learn more about healthy relationships and talk to a Green Flags Pro, visit GreenFlags.info.

The goal is not to create fear; it is to help children understand what safe and healthy relationships look like, recognize when a boundary has been crossed, and feel confident speaking up when something does not feel right.

As children return to school, knowing they have trusted adults in their corner can help them feel safe and supported throughout the year.

For more information about recognizing signs of child abuse and neglect, responding to concerns and finding support for children and families, visit The Center for Family Safety.