Sleepovers: Is Your Child Ready?

Many of us have fond childhood memories of sleepovers with our closest friends: staying up late watching movies, eating popcorn, laughing and having a lot of fun. Sleepovers were not only fun experiences but also taught us a lot of new things. Sleeping at a friend’s house introduced us to differences like types of homes, families, schedules and ways of dividing household responsibilities. Additionally, sleepovers forced us to speak up for ourselves when we needed something and required us to adapt to a new set of house rules. 

While sleepovers contributed to meaningful memories and new life experiences for many of us, nowadays parents and children may have different thoughts and even worries about sleepovers. Many parents are cautious about letting their children stay overnight at friends’ houses for understandable reasons. It’s a big deal to trust other adults to care for and protect your child like you do. But it is also important to ask ourselves whether our current level of protection interferes with teaching our children to be independent or miss out on important developmental tasks. Sleepovers can be a fun social activity for children and an opportunity for children to learn independence.

While it may bring about some anxiety for you, and maybe your child too, it is important for kids to practice being away from parents while they still have close monitoring and support. How can you make sure that children get opportunities to learn about new families and still stay safe? Work on teaching the skills for staying away from parents/home, ensure safety of the home where your child is staying, plan ahead and maybe try a “sleepunder.”

Your Child May Be Ready for a Sleepover If:

• they know how to ask other adults for help
• they can complete a bedtime routine independently
• they can independently complete toileting tasks and no longer have nighttime accidents
• they feel comfortable with the adult who will be supervising

Ways to Ensure Safety During Sleepovers:

• Talk to the adults who will be in the home during the sleepover
• Ask where the children will sleep and how adults plan to supervise
• Ask whether there are potentially dangerous items (e.g., medication, alcohol, guns, swimming pools) and how the adult monitors access to these items.
• Create a plan for what to do if your child wants to go home. Ensure your child can do this by having them practice asking to go home. Make sure your child knows they do not have to explain why.

To gradually increase independence and readiness for sleepovers, try a “sleepunder” first. A sleepunder is when your child goes to a friend’s house for the evening but comes home before falling asleep, allowing your child experience all the parts of a sleepover without sleeping away from home. You may even send your child with pajamas and a toothbrush so that they can complete the nighttime routine at the friend’s house. You can set a certain time for pick up or you can have the supervising adult call you to pick up your child once they are winding down for the night. Have your child practice providing brief, clear responses to potential questions from the other children about why they are not spending the night.

A sleep under helps your child learn what a sleepover might be like with the safety of knowing they are getting picked up to sleep at home. Once you and your child feel comfortable after some sleepunders, they may be prepared for a sleepover.