New Parent Confessions: You Are Your Child's Best Advocate

New parents have so much to worry about. When our kids see their pediatrician or specialists, the worry can sometimes spill over. My son was born a few weeks before COVID-19 shut the world down and has a few health issues - some we found out about while I was pregnant, and others have popped up more recently. We used to joke that, due to the pandemic, he’d met more doctors and nurses than family members his first year of life. Maybe not so funny, but true. My best friend through all his appointments, surgeries, and procedures? A small notebook and pen.

I like to write, but I also have Mom Brain so, when I think of questions for the doctor while I’m making breakfast a month before our appointment, or a non-urgent concern comes up while I’m doing laundry, I write them down. Most of my questions live on my phone and then I organize, prioritize, and write them down in my notebook the day of our appointments. I can write down notes during the appointment, as well as answers to my questions.

Questions always come up during the appointments too. The more we learn, the more questions we have! I’ve learned always to ask questions, no matter how silly they may seem. After all, I am my son’s best advocate. I know what his noises and signs mean, and I can tell when he’s feeling off. I know when I can get him through an exam or procedure with singing and when I’ll need to pull out videos on my cellphone or ask for support from the Child Life team.

While it may seem intimidating to ask questions to a doctor or a team of care providers, it makes me a better-informed parent so I can make better decisions about my son’s care. My questions also help my son’s care team learn what parents want to know so they can better prepare for their next family. If your child sees multiple specialists, they may look to you for reminders on what other specialists found or why they’re on certain medications in your words before looking at your child’s chart.

Sometimes being an advocate means becoming familiar and comfortable with the language. I’m more comfortable talking about pee and poop than urine and bowel movements, but I know what the latter refer to. I tell my son’s doctors he has a runny nose or that I hear whistling when he breathes and they know what I mean, even though the after-visit notes may use bigger words. Sometimes medical diagnoses and treatment plans can be complicated and it’s so important to ask questions to understand the situation fully and make the best-informed decisions possible. Having a team you know and trust is important, but at the end of the day, you are your child’s advocate.