Fight, Flight, or Freeze: Understanding Survivor Responses to Domestic Violence

When someone experiences domestic violence, their reactions can be difficult to understand, both for themselves and for those around them. Many people have heard of the "fight or flight" response, but in the context of trauma, a more accurate way to think about it is the "fight, flight, or freeze" response. Understanding these reactions can help us support survivors better.

What Happens in the Brain

During a dangerous situation, the brain automatically switches to "survival mode." This means the body reacts quickly, often without conscious thought. The brain’s defense system takes over, and the part that helps us think rationally gets impaired. Instead of analyzing the situation, the body relies on reflexes and habits formed over time for protection.

This response is not about being brave or cowardly; it’s about survival. The most common responses to trauma include:

Fight: Some might try to defend themselves. However, fighting back is not always a viable option, especially if the abuser is much stronger or more powerful or has utilized weapons or threats of violence to harm their partner.

Flight: In some instances, leaving the situation seems like the best choice. This may look like someone asking a loved one to come get them or temporarily leaving the space. However, the fear of known and unknown consequences often makes this response short-lived. 

Freeze: This is a common reaction during trauma. Freezing can look like being unable to move or even feeling numb. Many survivors report feeling disconnected from their bodies during an attack, or abusive situation, as if they are watching the event happen to someone else.

These reactions are shaped by both biology and personal experiences. For instance, if someone has faced violence before, they might automatically revert to habits they learned that would keep them safe in those situations.

Reflexes and Habits

Many survivors develop habitual responses based on their past experiences. These can include:

Passive Resistance: Some people have learned to respond to aggression by being polite or non-confrontational. They might say things like, “I have to go home” or gently push someone away, even if those responses don’t work against an abuser.

Dissociation: This is when someone mentally checks out from the experience. They might feel numb or lose track of time during the abusive situation. Some survivors have reported allowing their mind to go to a place that feels less scary. This can happen as a way to cope with overwhelming fear or pain.

These behaviors can be misunderstood by others, leading to feelings of shame and guilt for the survivor. They may wonder why they didn’t fight back or run away, not realizing that their response was a natural reaction to trauma.

The Importance of Support

Understanding the "fight, flight, or freeze" responses can help others to support survivors more effectively. It’s important to create an environment where survivors feel safe to share their experiences without fear of being judged, blamed or misunderstood.

By educating ourselves on how trauma affects behavior, we can break down stigma and foster healing. It is essential to support survivors of domestic violence, ensuring they know they are not alone in their journey.

If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic violence, it’s important to seek help. There are many resources available, including hotlines that provide support 24/7: 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Rape Abuse & Incest National Network: 800-656-4673

Childhelp USA: 800-422-4453

These hotlines can offer immediate assistance and understanding, helping survivors navigate their experiences.

The Center for Family Safety and Healing’s Adult Services program also offers counseling and related supportive services for adult victims of domestic violence. Those who face domestic violence may experience many emotions, such as depression, anxiety, shame, hopelessness and fear. Counselors can help these individuals develop strategies to manage their thoughts and feelings and develop a plan for a safer, happier and more hopeful life.