It Ends with Us but It Starts with a Conversation: How Parents Can Discuss Domestic Violence with Their Teen

The movie It Ends with Us, based on Colleen Hoover’s popular book, takes a deep look into the painful reality of domestic violence. While it vividly shows the struggles of the main character, Lily Bloom, as she faces an abusive relationship, the film doesn’t offer much guidance on what to do if someone finds themselves in a similar situation.

For parents, this creates an important opportunity. Movies like this one can be a starting point for important conversations with teens about healthy relationships and domestic violence. Here’s how parents and caregivers can use films like It Ends with Us to talk openly with teens about these tough topics.

Understanding the Impact

It Ends with Us shows how domestic abuse can affect people, but it doesn’t provide information on where to get help. This can be a problem because young people might not know what steps to take if they or someone they know is in an abusive or unhealthy relationship.

For example, ending a relationship with someone who has engaged in violence, can increase danger if a safety plan has not been made. It’s important to focus on increasing safety and decreasing isolation for anyone who has experienced violence in their relationship. This includes connecting them with resources rather than telling someone to leave.

Why Parents Should Talk About It

Having conversations about domestic violence is crucial. It’s not just about talking to kids about what they see in movies, but also about teaching them how to recognize unhealthy behaviors and where to turn for help.

How to Have the Conversation

1. Start with the Movie: Use It Ends with Us as a way to open up the conversation. Ask your teen what they thought about the film and how it made them feel. This can help you understand their perspective and concerns.
2. Explain the Different Types of Abuse: Make sure your teen understands that abuse isn’t just physical. It can also be emotional or verbal and include controlling or threatening behaviors.
3. Share Resources: Let your teen know that there are places to go for help if they or someone they know is experiencing abuse. The Green Flags Campaign offers a call, text, or chat support with a Green Flags Pro Monday-Friday 8 a.m. – 8 p.m. to help answer any relationship questions or concerns. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) is also available 24/7 and can provide support and information.
4. Discuss Healthy Relationships: Talk about what a healthy relationship looks like. Emphasize respect, communication, and mutual support. Make sure your teen knows that everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. If you’re not sure where to start, check out the Conversation Starters Cards on Green Flags.
5. Encourage Open Communication: Let your teen know they can always come to you with questions or concerns. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable talking about difficult topics.

It Ends with Us is a powerful film that highlights the serious issue of domestic violence. As a parent, it’s essential to use such movies as an opportunity to have meaningful conversations with your kids about healthy relationships and what to do if they or someone they know is in an unhealthy or abusive situation. Remember to focus on their safety rather than telling them to leave a relationship. By discussing these topics openly and providing resources, you can help guide your teen towards understanding and action, making a positive difference in their lives and the lives of others.

For more resources and information, visit Green Flags at The Center for Family Safety and Healing.