Bringing home a new baby means many changes for the whole family. Your child may be excited about having a new sibling in the home and want to help care for them. However, they may also have a hard time learning to share your attention with the baby which can result in feeling left out. Here are some ideas to help prevent and manage behavior problems and help your child transition into the role of “big sibling.”
Prepare Your Child for the New Baby
It’s important to prepare children for what to expect at least a few months before the baby is due. Although you may wish to tell your child that the new baby will be a friend, this can be disappointing when they realize that the baby isn’t able to play or talk to them yet. It may be helpful to look at your child’s baby pictures with them and tell stories about when they were a baby so they can understand what babies are like. You can also involve your child in preparations such as decorating the baby’s room or inviting them to feel the baby kick.
Consider how your child’s routine will change after the baby arrives and start making adjustments beforehand, such as moving them into a new bedroom if necessary. Finally, talk to your child about what to expect when the baby is born. For example, explain where you will be where the baby is born and who your child will be staying with.
Encourage Good Behaviors
Think about what kind of behavior you’d like to see from your child after the baby is born. Perhaps you’d like to see them be gentle with the new baby. If so, you can teach your child how to be gentle with the baby and model this by showing affection to your child and the baby. Maybe you’d like your child to play independently while you are caring for the baby or play quietly while the baby is sleeping. Think of some safe, interesting activities you can have available to encourage independent play. You may even choose to have some special toys that you bring out only when you are feeding the baby to give your child something to look forward to.
Children will do what works to get your attention, so try to give them a lot of positive attention and specific praise when they are behaving well. Spending quality time with your child can help reassure them that they are important and loved. Quality time doesn’t have to take long. Spending two to three minutes with your child frequently throughout the day can have a big impact on increasing positive behaviors.
Manage Problem Behaviors
It can be difficult to manage your older child’s behaviors while caring for a newborn. Parents are more likely to overlook problem behaviors or give in to tantrums when they’re exhausted. This is normal and understandable! Giving in may help calm things down in the moment, however children learn that they can get what they want by misbehaving. The first step to managing problem behaviors is to acknowledge your child’s feelings. They are likely experiencing mixed feelings such as excitement about the baby, jealousy that they have to share your attention, and fear that they will be left out or forgotten.
When your child misbehaves, respond consistently. Continue using the same rules and consequences that you used before the baby was born so children know what to expect. If your child shows any aggression or plays roughly with the baby, act quickly with your usual consequence, and remember the strategies listed above for teaching them how to be gentle.
You may notice your child exhibiting some baby-like behaviors to gain your attention, such as using a baby voice or wanting you to feed them. For things like this, you can use a strategy called Planned Ignoring. This means that you do not give your child any attention, including looking at them or talking to them, until the behavior stops. As soon as they are doing the desired behavior, such as using their big-kid voice or feeding themselves, praise them and resume giving attention.
If you are looking for more tips around positive parenting, encouraging good behavior, or managing misbehavior, Nationwide Children’s Hospital offers free Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) support on a wide variety of topics for parents of young children. For more information, click here, email TripleP@NationwideChildrens.org or call (614) 355-8099.
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