How to Help a Child Build Resilience to Combat Stress

First published October 2017
Updated October 2026

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), such as abuse, neglect, exposure to violence, and loss of a family member to suicide, can affect health and well-being across the lifespan. According to the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, experiencing ACEs has been associated with an increased risk for a range of mental and physical health concerns later in life (i.e., anxiety, posttraumatic stress, diabetes, heart disease, and other chronic health conditions).

However, experiencing adversity does not mean all children will develop significant health concerns. Many factors can help buffer the effects of adversity and support a child’s ability to cope and adapt. Thes protective factors can help children build resilience.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the ability to “bounce back” or adapt and recover from stress, adversity, or difficult life experiences. Resilience develops over time as children develop skills, self-awareness, and resources for coping with life’s challenges. Adults can support this development by modeling healthy coping and giving children opportunities to learn and practice these skills.

Parents and caregivers can also help children build resilience by giving them opportunities to think independently and make age-appropriate decisions. This can be as simple as letting a child choose which book to read at bedtime. Opportunities to practice independence in safe ways can help children build confidence in their ability to make decisions and navigate increasingly difficult choices as they get older.

Close relationships are another important factor in developing resilience. A grandparent who provides love and support, a teacher who takes extra time to listen, a neighbor or coach who believes in a child, or a trusted friend they can confide in can all serve as important protective factors when children experience adversity. Indeed, the American Psychological Association found that increased social support is associated with higher positive emotions, a sense of personal control and predictability, self-esteem and motivation. Supportive relationships can help children feel safe, valued, and confident that they have people to turn to when things are difficult.

A simple, positive remark such as, "I’m so proud of how hard you worked on that!" can help children feel supported and valued. Families can also foster a sense of belonging, meaning, and connection through family, cultural, or faith traditions.

Building resilience does not require grand gestures. Parents and caregivers can support resilience by making time for connection part of their family’s regular routine. This might include reading together, walking to and from the bus stop, talking about the day over dinner, or having a weekly game night.

How Can Doctors Promote Resilience?

Pediatricians can also play an important role in supporting resilience. During routine visits, pediatricians can identify developmental, behavioral, or emotional concerns, talk with families about sources of stress, and connect children and families with helpful resources and supports. They may also be among the first professionals to recognize when a child or family is experiencing toxic stress (e.g., excessive and prolonged stress without adequate supports in place) and can promote positive health outcomes by addressing it early.

For parents and caregivers, primary care visits are good opportunities to ask questions and raise concerns about how stress may be affecting your child. Your child’s pediatrician can help you identify strategies, services, and other resources that may support your child and family.