How to Help a Child Build Resilience to Combat Stress

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs)—such as abuse, neglect, exposure to violence, and loss of a family member to suicide—can have lifelong effects on health. Having ACEs in these categories puts individuals at greater risk for mental health problems, diseases, and chronic health conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, liver disease, and cancer (among many other adult health conditions). According to the CDC, about 64% of adults in the United States reported that they had experienced at least one ACE before age 18.

However, not all children with ACEs grow to develop significant health concerns, and some do remarkably well even after experiencing ACEs. What separates children who experience negative health consequences of ACEs from those who do not? The answer is the presence of protective factors that foster resilience.

What is Resilience?

Resilience can be defined as the ability to “bounce back” or recover quickly from major life stressors. Resilience builds over time when individuals grow and develop skills, self-awareness, and resources for coping with life’s difficulties. Having opportunities to learn and develop effective coping skills and strategies is an important factor for resilience. Children are more likely to develop these skills if the adults around them can model or nurture these skills.

Parents and caregivers can also help their children build resilience by giving them opportunities to think and act independently and make their own decisions, which can be as simple as letting a child choose which book to check out at the library. These opportunities to exercise independence in safe ways gives children practice making decisions that sets them up to be more confident when navigating difficult choices as they get older.

Close relationships are another important factor in developing resilience. Having a grandparent who loves you, a teacher who spends extra time with you, a neighbor or coach who understands and believes in you, or a trusted friend you can confide in may offset the long-term effects of ACEs. Increased social support is associated with higher positive emotions, a sense of personal control and predictability, self-esteem and motivation. Building a child’s connection with people who care will help strengthen them and teach them their needs are important. A simple, positive remark like “I told Grandpa how brave you were. He’s so proud of you!” can go a long way. It can also be helpful for families to cultivate a sense of faith, hope, and belonging through family and/or cultural traditions.

It’s important for parents and caregivers to know that resilience is built through ordinary occurrences rather than extraordinary ones. One of the most important ways a parent or caregiver can help build resilience is by building time for connecting with their child into regular routines. Examples of routine ways for parents to connect with their children include reading together for 20 minutes every day, walking to and from the bus stop together, asking about their day at the dinner table, or having a weekly game night.

How Can Doctors Promote Resilience?

Caregivers, teachers, and family members are not the only people with the power to help children build resilience. As trusted authorities in child health and development, pediatricians are positioned to be able to identify developmental concerns early and connect children with interventions that reduce threats to healthy brain growth and development. Pediatricians may be first to learn when children and families are dealing with toxic stress, which occurs when a person experiences excessive and prolonged stress without the right supports in place. So, pediatricians have the chance to promote positive health care outcomes by addressing toxic stress early, before it leads to chronic health conditions.

Practitioners can easily screen for toxic stress in clinic by asking: “Since I last saw you, have you, your family or child experienced something upsetting, scary or worrisome?” Asking that question and listening closely to the response can lead to better care and a chance to make sure families get connected with resources to help build resilience. For parents and caregivers, primary care visits are good opportunities to ask questions and raise concerns about the impact of stress on your child’s health to learn about other resources that may be available to support child and family resilience to toxic stress.