As a parent, you want the best for your children. You work every day to protect them from harm. Sometimes that work means you must have some difficult, often uncomfortable conversations – including ones about suicide.
Talking to your child about suicide may be the toughest conversation you ever have, but it may also be the most important.
Why It’s Important to Talk About Depression and Suicide
Suicide is the second leading cause of death in the Unites States for kids ages 10-19. Suicide is a significant cause of premature death because it is the second leading cause of death among people aged 10-34.
Approximately 1 out of every 5 high school students has considered suicide in the past year.
Depression and suicide affect people of every race, religious background, and income level.
Kids need to know the warning signs of depression and suicide and how to get help if needed.
Most kids who attempt suicide have shown signs of depression.
Parents have an essential role in educating their children about the importance of taking care of their mental health just as they would their physical health. The earlier a mental health issue is identified, the sooner effective treatment and recovery can begin.
Research is very clear that talking about suicide does not give your child ideas about trying it or increase the risk of a suicide attempt in the future. Talking about suicide shows your child that you are concerned and want to help.
Even if your child is not depressed, it is important to have direct conversations about mental health and how friends may be dealing with these issues. Some good ways to start a conversation are:
Do you ever get sad or lonely? What do you do to make yourself feel better?
Do you or your friends ever talk about hurting yourselves or not wanting to live anymore?
How would you handle it if you knew someone who was talking about hurting themselves?
If your child has been thinking about suicide, they are likely to be relieved that you brought it up. It is essential that you ask directly about depression and suicide if you notice any of the following warning signs:
Talking to others or posting on social media about suicide or wanting to die
Saying people in their lives would be better off without them
Saying goodbye to people
Feeling hopeless, trapped, or like they are a burden to others
Looking for a way to kill themselves, including searching online for ideas
Gathering medications, sharp objects or firearms
Major changes in thinking, behavior or mood (appearing anxious, depressed, or irritable/aggressive)
Isolating and withdrawing from people or social activities
Sleeping too much or too little
Alcohol or drug use
Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy
Expressing negative thoughts about themselves and their future
Thinking or talking about feeling empty, alone, or “over it”
How to Start the Conversation
Don’t wait for a crisis to discuss suicide. Getting into the habit when your child is young to have conversations about their mental wellbeing and letting them know you are there for them no matter what their struggles are goes a long way towards preventing suicide. Checking in regularly to see how they’re doing and asking open ended questions can provide a safe space for them where emotions are normalized, and it can allow you to spot warning signs earlier.
If your child makes a comment about hurting himself/herself or wanting to die, always take them seriously. Start with these phrases to better understand what they are feeling:
“What’s wrong? How can I help?”
“Sometimes kids feel so sad or upset that they feel like hurting themselves. Have you been feeling like that?”
“Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
“You can always talk to me about how you feel. We will get through this together.”
By talking about suicide, you let your child know you are there for support and are open to discussing any topic, no matter how uncomfortable it is.
If you or your child need immediate help due to having suicidal thoughts, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. If there is an immediate safety concern, call 911 or go the nearest emergency room.
John Ackerman, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in Behavioral Health and Suicide Prevention Coordinator for the Center for Suicide Prevention and Research (CSPR) at Nationwide Children's Hospital. He directs community, school, and hospital efforts to educate others about the risks and warning signs of pediatric suicide.
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