Understanding Late Adolescence

Congratulations! You now have an emerging adult. Your job is done. Or is it? While your child has completed most of their growth and development, their brains are still maturing. They’re reaching a level of cognitive maturity necessary to develop and pursue realistic goals related to their future.

Even though they are technically adults now, this new stage is just beginning.

Late Adolescence (Ages 18-21)

During late adolescence, young people start taking more responsibility for their actions and become increasingly focused on their future. Individual relationships, like romantic partnerships, often become more stable and bear greater importance than peer friendships. Teens in this stage often begin to re-establish a more mature relationship with caregivers, frequently seeking advice more from their parents. They become more comfortable with their personal values and beliefs, which may even differ from those of their friends.

By the end of this stage, young adults’ cognitive abilities have developed significantly. They think more critically and deeply, and they begin to truly understand the consequences of their actions. Impulsive decisions start to be replaced more and more by careful weighing of pros and cons, and risk versus benefit. As they approach adulthood, life goals become a major focus, and they begin making more independent decisions.

Most older adolescents at this point have a firm sense of self-identity. They are refining their moral, religious, and sexual values. During this stage, youth expect to be treated as adults, with autonomy and space. However, if earlier stages of adolescent identity development, cognitive development or independence were disrupted, problems like depression, substance use, emotional disorders, or suicidal tendencies my develop or worsen with the increasing responsibilities of being a young adult.

Parenting Tips:

• Be available for conversation. Remind your child that you’re always there and available to talk. Conversations are more likely to have a more mature tone, with your adolescent asking for advice on more nuanced topics.
• Set expectations with compassion. Continue to set clear expectations while also practicing forgiveness and compassion for both you and your child. Acknowledging mistakes and demonstrating self-compassion can build trust and understanding in your relationship.
• Allow independence and growth. Give your young adult the space to make their own independent decisions and mistakes. This allows them to learn and grow, supporting a relationship based on trust and mutual respect that will last into adulthood. Remember that your adult child is their own person. Respect their viewpoints and be open to growing and learning from each other.

When to Consult Your Doctor

• Encourage ownership of healthcare: It’s important at this stage that your adolescent begin to take ownership of their doctor’s appointments. Encourage them to make their own appointments, teach them how to use their insurance and prescription card, and start discussions about transition to adult care. Allow them to attend appointments alone or primarily wait in the waiting room.
• Address mental health and substance use concerns: While it's normal to face challenges, comments such as "what's the point in trying" or "you'd be better off without me" are serious indicators to seek medical attention immediately. Similarly, if you observe a growing and concerning reliance on substances, professional help is warranted.

Every parent dreams of fostering a deep and enduring bond with their children, one that grows stronger through each phase of life. From the preteen years to late adolescence and beyond, continue to nurture your relationship with your child to develop a bond that thrives at every stage.