How to Stop Your Child’s Whining

Let’s admit, whining can be very frustrating. The drawn out, complaining in an irritating tone of voice can be difficult to deal with, especially if it is your child’s usual way of talking. However, in young children, whining is common. Whining may be your child’s urgent way of expressing when they are tired, hungry, sick, unhappy or uncomfortable. Whining may also happen when your child is trying to seek connection to you or others around them. Children may even use whining to get their way or when things do not go their way. No matter the reason, if whining gets children what they need or want, it will continue.

We can teach our children how to speak nicely by setting a good example and talking to them in a calm voice. Avoid nagging or raising your voice. It is also beneficial to encourage the behavior we want to see. When your child speaks nicely and uses their words to ask for what they want, acknowledge it through praise and give your child your attention. Understanding why your child is whining is important in determining how to respond and it will help problem solve their needs.

How can we manage whining?

1. Tell Your Child What to Do. When your child comes to you whining, get on their level, ask them to stop whining, speak nicely and tell you what they need.
2. Show Your Child How to Ask Nicely. In a pleasant voice, with simple words, give your child an example of what you would like them to say.
3. Acknowledge and Praise Your Child for Asking Nicely. Even after they initiated it with whining, if your child follows your example, praise them: “You did a good job asking. Well done.”
4. Back Up Your Instruction with a Logical Consequence. If your child does not ask nicely, follow up with a logical consequence. For example, if your child is asking for a cookie, they do not get a cookie while they are whining. Wait five to ten minutes for them to settle down and then try again. You can ask, “How do you ask for a cookie?” If they ask nicely, praise them and give them the cookie. If they don’t, repeat the logical consequence. Ignore complaining or protests and do not debate or argue with your child.

Remember to have compassion. Some days are just rough, and your child may still whine occasionally. The next time your child whines, take a deep breath before you respond with frustration and ask yourself what they are trying to communicate.

If you are looking for more tips around positive parenting, Nationwide Children’s Hospital offers free Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) support on a wide variety of topics for parents of young children. For more information, click here, email TripleP@NationwideChildrens.org or call (614) 355-8099.