What Does Your Child’s Tantrum Really Mean?

Tantrums are like a storm of big feelings—screaming, crying, or even rolling on the floor. It can leave you wondering, "Why is this happening?!" But most of the time, kids don’t know why they’re acting out either. Your job? Get into detective mode: figure out what’s behind the meltdown!

The Usual Suspects (Common Reasons)

1. Seeking Attention: If kids feel ignored, they might act up because misbehaving gets noticed more than being good.
2. Getting Want They Want: They’ve learned that tantrums might get them a toy, treat, or a way out of something they don’t want to do.
3. They Feel Overwhelmed: Big emotions like frustration, hunger, or tiredness can overflow into a tantrum.
4. Facing Unrealistic Expectations: If tasks feel too hard or they’re not developmentally appropriate, kids might meltdown because they don’t know how to handle it.
5. They Want Control: Feeling powerless makes them push back. Acting out can feel like reclaiming control.

Responding to Tantrums

• Catch Them Being Good: Notice and praise when they are behaving well. For example, you could say, “I love how you’re playing so nicely” or “Thanks for listening.” Reward the positive behavior to encourage more of it.

• Set Clear Boundaries: Don’t give in during tantrums. Stay calm and firm, so they learn that acting out won’t work.

• Name the Big Feelings: Help your child label emotions, like saying, “You seem frustrated.” Feeling understood helps them calm down.

• Set Realistic Goals: Break tough tasks into small steps, give them as much help as they need and cheer on their effort. Practice builds confidence and reduces frustration.

• Offer Choices: Let them pick between two shirts or choose a snack. Small decisions give them a sense of control and can prevent power struggles.

Tantrums are tough, and parenting is even tougher. But remember to stay patient and consistent, even when it’s hard. Kids learn better ways to manage their feelings when you model calmness and give them tools to handle big emotions. Tantrums will still happen, but they’ll become less stormy over time!

For more support and strategies on ways to cope with children’s behavior at home, Nationwide Children’s offers free Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) classes, with a variety of topics including one on Dealing with Disobedience with additional ideas to help your child (and you) become tantrum free. For more information email TripleP@NationwideChildrens.org or call (614) 355-8099.