Building strong, positive relationships with our children takes time and effort. With work, school, friends, social media and technology competing for our attention, finding time to connect can feel difficult. But building a close relationship does not require big plans or a lot of time. Small, positive moments each day can make a big difference.
Think about how a garden grows when it receives regular care, water, and attention. Relationships work the same way. When we give our children small amounts of focused attention, encouragement, and respect each day, we create a strong foundation for a closer relationship.
Find the Time
Spending a few minutes of one-on-one time with your child daily may seem difficult, especially when life is busy or your child is struggling with challenging behavior. But children often seek attention, whether positive or negative.
Giving your child regular, positive attention can help increase positive behaviors and reduce the need to seek attention in negative ways. As little as 10 minutes of uninterrupted, one-on-one time can change the pattern, reducing negative behavior and increasing positive behavior. What matters most is being consistent and fully present.
Creating a daily, consistent habit sends a simple but powerful message: “You are important to me.”If you or your child has had a difficult day, use this time as a “restart” for both of you.
Choose activities that are fun and interactive, but not highly competitive. Throw a baseball, cook together, do a puzzle or simply sit and talk. The activity matters less than the connection. Whenever possible, put away your phone, step away from chores, and give your child your full attention. These small moments of connection can add up to something much bigger.
Focus on the Positive
Notice and praise your child’s small efforts. Children and teens learn new skills every day, and encouragement helps! Think about a time when you felt valued at work or home. You probably felt more motivated when someone noticed your effort, listened to your needs, or thanked you for a job well done. Children need that same kind of encouragement.
Make a special effort to notice what your child is doing well, rather than ways to correct them. Praise like “I noticed you helped your brother” or “Thanks for cleaning up without being asked” can make a difference and help children feel seen, valued, and connected.
Listen with Intention
Sometimes the most important thing you can do is listen. This can be hard when you are busy, tired, or your child has a lot to say. Putting down your phone, making eye contact, and showing interest lets your child know that what they have to say matters.
Try to listen without immediately judging, correcting, or giving advice. Children and teens are still learning how to manage their emotions, and something that seems small to an adult can feel very important to them.
You do not have to agree with how your child feels to show that you understand. Try saying “That sounds really hard” Or “I can see why you felt hurt”.
These simple responses can help your child feel heard and respected. Over time, they may become more comfortable coming to you when they have something important to share. You can also ask questions that invite more than a one-word answer. Instead of asking, “How was your day?” ask, “What was your favorite part of the day?”.
Small changes in how we ask questions can create more opportunities for meaningful conversations.
Show Respect
Children learn by watching the adults around them. They are constantly learning how people communicate, solve problems, and treat one another.
Respect works both ways. The way we speak to our children teaches them how to speak to others, including their parents. This does not mean we will always agree or that children will always behave perfectly. It means we can set limits while still treating our children with patience and respect. When children experience respect from the adults in their lives, they are more likely to learn how to show respect to others.
Small Moments Add Up
Building a close relationship with your child happens through the small things we do again and again.
Each moment may seem small on its own, but together, these moments build trust and connection.
Kayla Zimpfer is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Grants Program Coordinator at The Center for Family Safety and Healing (TCFSH). She brings more than 15 years of experience in the field and currently serves as the Principal Investigator for a major Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) grant aimed at expanding access to trauma services across Central and Southeast Ohio.
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