First published December 2014 Updated February 2026
“My child touches himself every chance he gets! At daycare, the mall, church — anywhere!”
This concern is one we hear often from worried parents who notice their child exhibiting sexual behaviors. These behaviors can vary from children touching their own bodies to touching others, exposing themselves to other children, or drawing or discussing their private parts. It isn’t surprising that these behaviors should spark such concern in a caregiver. In the past, sexual behaviors were thought to be an indicator that a child had been sexually abused. We now know this is generally not the case.
The reality is that sexual behaviors are incredibly common in children, especially between 3-6 years old. It is estimated that more than half of children will engage in some type of sexualized behavior during childhood. These behaviors are often a normal part of childhood development as children begin to explore their own bodies and be curious about others’ bodies. If discovered, the child may be embarrassed, but rarely does the child experience deep anger, shame or fear.
While it is normal for parents to be worried, it is important to calmly redirect children to engage in another activity when sexual behavior is seen. You might say, “It’s okay to touch your own body when you are in a private place.” When handled this way, normal behaviors tend to diminish, if not disappear altogether. All of these behaviors, of course, are influenced by what the child experiences in the home. You can imagine how the birth of a sibling, viewing a family member in the restroom or witnessing a mother breastfeeding an infant could each provoke a child to ask about or imitate what they are seeing.
When to Seek a Consultation
When should a caregiver be concerned? A few general “red flags” include:
When the child engages in sexual behaviors frequently and cannot be redirected to engage in other behaviors, or becomes angry when redirected
When the children involved in sexualized behaviors are of different developmental levels or different ages (4 or more years difference, as a guideline)
When the children involved do not have an ongoing mutual play relationship
Behaviors that involve one child acting forcefully or aggressively with another child
Behaviors that are intrusive (genital-genital contact, genital or anal penetration)
Behaviors that result in significant distress or pain.
Seeing a child engage in sexual behavior scares many of us as parents, because it is hard to separate our knowledge and attitudes about sex from what our children know and believe. This is an opportunity for caregivers to provide education to the child about body parts and body safety. Some tips on talking to children about body safety:
Use proper names for body parts, including genitals, breasts, vagina, penis, and buttocks. Avoid using slang or made-up names, as this may lead children to believe that they should not be talking about these body parts and can delay children reporting when something does happen to their body.
Teach which body parts are private – those that are covered by a swimsuit. These parts should not be looked at or touched by anyone without the child’s permission.
Talk about touches that are okay versus not okay. “Okay touches” can include their friends hugging them or caregivers helping them bathe or go to the bathroom. “Not okay touches” may make them feel uncomfortable, scared or hurt. They should tell a trusted grown up about any “not okay touches.”
Let children know that they are in charge of their own bodies. Do not force children to give hugs or kisses to anyone, including family members. Teach them that they can show affection with a wave or a high five without having to have close physical touch. This helps them learn how to speak up for themselves and their safety.
These conversations can be tricky, but they are important. Reviewing these messages during bath time, doctors’ visits, or new situations like dropping off a child at a new sports practice or friend’s house are chances to reinforce these concepts, giving children the tools they need to keep their bodies safe.
Kristin Crichton, DO, MPH, is a child abuse pediatrician at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. She is board-certified in general pediatrics and child abuse pediatrics. Her clinical interests include child sexual abuse, child physical abuse and caring for children in foster care; her research interests include increasing early detection of physical abuse and improving medical education around child maltreatment
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