Why Your Toddler is Biting and Hitting

First published November 2011
Updated March 2026

Biting and hitting are common problems during the toddler years, and whether your child is on the giving or receiving end, your goal is the same: to have the behavior stop. But how? Well, that depends on why your child is biting and hitting, and if he or she has a clear understanding of right and wrong.

What’s the Reason?

There are two reasons young children bite and hit. The first is reaction. People respond to pain, and babies and young toddlers get a kick out of watching the response. The pain isn’t important. In fact, they don’t understand that they are causing pain. All they know is that a specific action causes a predictable response. They are exerting control over their environment, and it’s fun. You can tell they enjoy the game because their bite or hit is accompanied by a smile or giggle.

The second reason is more troublesome. As toddlers gain experience interacting with their environment, they learn that biting and hitting get what they want. Think of it as baby bullying.

Re-Direction

It’s important to understand which reason applies to your child. If he or she is a happy biter or hitter and just looking for a response, then your best bet is simple redirection. Don’t react in an exaggerated way. Give a firm “No!” and move on by providing a quick distraction, such as an activity, an object, or even their reflection in a mirror. Be sure to respond in a fun, exaggerated way when your child engages in socially acceptable actions. And try to head off trouble by anticipating a bite or hit before it happens and providing a quick redirection that results in appropriate behavior.

Right vs. Wrong

Dealing with biting and hitting changes when it becomes a tool your child uses to get his or her way. By the time it gets to this point, children typically have a clear sense of right and wrong, and while they know the action is wrong, they continue to bite and hit because it works. So, you have to make sure it doesn’t work. Biting and hitting should never result in your child getting his or her way, even if you were fine giving your child whatever they wanted. Instead, wait until your child is displaying appropriate behavior and then grant the wish.

Language and Discipline

Many times, children bite and hit because they are unable to express themselves with language. Read to your children often, encourage words, and try to anticipate needs before frustration kicks in. If you are concerned about your child’s language development, be sure to talk to your doctor.

Sometimes, biters and hitters require more than anticipation and redirection. Discipline may be required to extinguish the behavior. This should always be predictable and consistent. An immediate time-out lasting one minute for each year of age is almost always effective, as long as you do it every time your child displays the problem behavior. After the time out, give a loving hug, explain why the time out occurred, and move on. Never bite or hit your child as a form of discipline. It’s not effective, and it teaches that biting and hitting are sometimes okay.

When Someone Else’s Kid is the Problem

If you are a babysitter or daycare worker, these tactics are appropriate for the biters and hitters in your care. But what if your child is the recurrent victim of a biter or hitter? First, set up a meeting with the adult caregiver. Find out what’s going on and how they plan to get the situation under control. Feel free to send them a link to this article if they need some pointers. Finally, if the behavior doesn’t stop, it may be time to find another childcare option, one with better supervision and a more effective plan for supervising toddlers.