Lactation: Changing the Plan Does Not Mean Failure

First published August 2019
Updated September 2026

Parents often consider and decide how they intend to feed their baby during pregnancy. This decision can be extremely personal and is often shaped by things like how their relatives fed their babies, cultural impacts, financial or educational influences, and especially their own prior experiences (if applicable).

When a person decides to provide their human milk for their baby, they may come to this decision with expectations and hopes, but also with fears or concerns. Our culture has no shortage of “fear factor” messages about the difficulties of breastfeeding. Simultaneously, social media often portrays unrealistic images of what “successful” breastfeeding looks like (often with images of freezers stocked to the brim with 6oz bags of excess milk: this is not the norm!). When a new parent consumes all the messaging out there about breastfeeding it can no doubt leave them feeling a variety of feelings before they even get to meet their little one.

These feelings then shape a parent’s initial feeding goal. Some make a plan to directly breastfeed, some plan to pump their milk and bottle feed. Still others plan to do a combination of both. A plan, with goals and hopes is carefully constructed. Researching the best pillows, breast pumps, accessories, foods to eat, gadgets to buy and even clothing that can be helpful for pumping or breastfeeding. Social media algorithms can send expectant parents down a rabbit hole of information as they consider things they may “need” to be successful before baby has even arrived.

The thing is, babies are unpredictable and even with the best laid plans, things can go awry. Sometimes, the plan must change.

A preterm labor, an infant who is sick, a latch that becomes painful, an infant having slow weight gain all may lead to a change in plan. A high needs baby, a mother experiencing postpartum depression, or getting conflicting advice from the internet or their own providers can make lactation plans challenging.

Things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes, the plan must change. Breastfeeding is complex; it involves two completely independent individuals learning to work together. Sometimes it fits just right from the very beginning, but more often it requires tweaks, adjustments or changes. Breastfeeding demands flexibility at a time when it is difficult to feel flexible.

Change is hard and it is okay to grieve the loss of a plan. Changing a plan does not mean there weren’t successes somewhere along the lactation journey, and too often we forget those successes: the first time a baby latches, the solace of giving a baby human milk and all the goodness it holds, the peace a parent may feel when they decide to stop lactating, knowing they were making the right decision for their child.

Maybe the feeding journey ended up looking differently than they imagined. But that doesn't change who they are: a parent, never a failure.

Note: We may use the term “breastfeeding” to encompass all forms of lactation, including direct breastfeeding, chestfeeding, and providing expressed human milk in a bottle.